An Open Note To Office Workers

These last few weeks I have been undertaking a project to scan literally 10s of thousands of assorted documents at work. I actually don't mind it. I can put my headphones on and since the scanner is sheet fed I just fill it up when it gets low. There are a few things that have annoyed me however. Please forgive my ranting, but I have to vent, haha


1. If your office has a stapler, I will assume it also has a staple remover. If it doesn't I will be more than happy to buy you one. A quick google search shows them available from $1.65 up to the deluxe, heavy duty model for $12.99

2. Since I am assuming you have a staple remover now, there is NO NEED to have 6 staples in a stack of 7 papers. If you need to add papers to your stack, simple use the previously mentioned staple remover to get rid of the current staple and then reattach the papers with a brand new staple. I can post a video on Youtube if this confuses you.

3. The acceptable place for a staple, in most cases, is the top left corner. Not the right corner, not the bottom and not the center. When I have a stack of 200 pages, I need to be able to efficiently move through the stack and not figure out where you have decided to place the staple that day.

4. Don't place the staple at an odd or inconvenient angle. Horizontal works just fine, even slightly askew is good. When you place them at odd angles, it reminds me of the people who insist on putting their tags on their license plates all tilted. It isn't clever or "fun". It is simply annoying and obnoxious. Along with Tapped Out! and Ed Hardy gear, it is a pretty good indication that I don't want to know you. (That could be a benefit) There are a few exceptions of course.


In Closing, you are driving me crazy and I now hate staples. You have driven me to listen to Elton John this morning to lower my blood pressure. That is not a good thing.


Love Ya,

Kev

Only In America...We are becoming 3rd World...

If I hear one more person hear negative news and declare "Only In America" or "America is turning into a third world nation" one more time, I am liable to hit them, spit on them, scream at them, or one of many other unpleasant things. I know there are a LOT of problems in the US. There is corruption, violence, discrimination etc. However it is in NO WAY even near the level that it is in many other places. Here are just a short collection of news stories I have read recently and some I remembered from a while back. This list took me less than 10 minutes to compile. It was too depressing to keep on with it for now. Remember these the next time you condescendingly get on your soapbox about the decline of the US. I am not saying you shouldn't work to right the wrongs here, but keep your rants in perspective.

Click the links for the corresponding stories

Uganda wants to make a law to kill gay people


Kenya - it is a tradition to give girls, as young as 6, beads in exchange for raping them


Cameroon - Breast Ironing is common, they take hot rocks and burn young girls chests to prevent breasts from growing, to "protect" them from pregnancy and HIV


Africa - In Africa an estimated 92 million girls from 10 years of age and above have undergone FGM.(Female Genital Mutilation) FGM is internationally recognized as a violation of the human rights of girls and women.

Congo - Shit goes wrong? Get Sick? Maize Grinder quits working? The damn kids must be witches. Some get killed, others abandoned


Tanzania - Old ladies are routinely hacked to death with machetes because people think they are witches, this is not uncommon in many African countries

South Africa, Since 94, 50k white people killed by blacks in South Africa, yet the world says nothing


South Africa - Rape seems to be the national pastime


Congo - 1000 rapes a DAY

Paavo and his Crayons

A Short Story I Wrote a While ago about a young boy and his Crushed Dreams



Paavo was addicted to drawing, he loved to draw, day and night. He rarely talked to other kids at school or in his village, just to his crayons and colored pencils. He would draw magical forests and woodland animals and playwith them in his imagination. They were his friends in his private little world.

One day Paavo was visited by a fairy while he was drawing in a field and she told him he could have one wish, but to think carefully what he wanted. Paavo decided it
would be wonderful if the friends he drew could actually play with him. The fairy thought on this and came back later and told Paavo his wish would be granted, but to remember this is what he wanted no matter what happened.

Paavo agreed and that evening he drew a bunny who quickly left the pages he was drawn on and jumped into Paavo's lap. The boy was thrilled and started to pet the bunny vigorously when the bunny suddenly turned and bit his finger off and then vanished. Paavo lay there crying, bloody stump of a finger and all, wondering what had happened. He figured he was just too rough with the bunny and would try again the next day.

The next day he decided to draw a small bear cub, maybe 2 weeks old. After drawing
it, the bear too left the pages and joined Paavo in the material world. And like the bunny before him, it eventually turned on Paavo and mauled him, leaving cuts all about his face and neck. Luckily it was a young bear so it didn't hurt Paavo too much. Just like the bunny though, it disappeared right after the incident. Paavo was confused yet still intrigued.

He was addicted to drawing however, as it was his only friend, and could not control himself. Paavo, you see, was retarded.

He continued to draw animals that would continue to come to life and continue to beat him about the head and neck with their claws, wings, teeth, paws...whatever they had available to beat him about the head and neck with. Poor Paavo never learned. As his art got better over the years Paavo began experimenting with drawing people. He never finished them though. He wanted this one to be perfect. It seemed the drawings would not come to life until they were complete

Finally he was confident in his abilities and drew a beatiful young maiden, a girl he had seen in his dreams for years. He stared at the paper and began to give up hope after most of the afternoon had passed. Then he saw a slight movement on the paper and she too came to life. He was instantly relieved that she did not beat him about the head and neck immediately and fell in love with her. He named her Magdalena. She seemed to like him too and they spent all their time together. (not like she had anywhere else to be) On his 17th birthday Paavo asked Magdalena to marry him. She of course said yes. She wasnt sure what marraige was but didnt really seem to care all that much.

After 9 months of marriage, it finally happened, no not a baby. Magdalena turned on Paavo. Instead of mauling him about the head and neck, she instead took all of his belongings and forced him (in court) to support her lazy ass for the rest of his life. Apparently she had grown accustomed to eating chips and watching TV on the couch while her ass continued to spread. The judge agreed she should be able to continute this without being interrupted by the inconvenience of a job of her own.


You see, the animals just took Paavo's health and left a few physical scars. But it took a woman to crush his soul and to take his will to live completely.

The moral of our story is to Be careful what you wish for.

Why Can't Peple Take Responsiblility For Themselves?

In both the recent action of San Francisco's Board of Supervisors placing restrictions and effectively banning Happy Meals and the like and THIS recent class action suit filed against McDonald's,' I am incensed that people keep pointing fingers at others instead of taking responsibility for raising their children themselves.
It is not McDonald's or any other restaurant's responsibility to make sure you and your family eats a balanced meal. They exist for convenience and a quick meal when needed. If you can't be bothered to tell your child no when they whine for fast food all the time then maybe you should have thought twice before procreating. That is a part of parenting.
....and besides what the hell would half the people at the flea market sell if you got rid of happy meal toys